The things that I've been trying to live trough but I guess I sucked again, interesting huh?!

I dont wanna work today! I just dont want to work, I've never wanted either though.. There was a song about it which was starting like " I dont wanna work today, maybe I just want to stay.." bla bla bla. Yea anyway thatz the problem. But that's not my only problem.


I feel a kinda weird lately also. There's a guy, of course there is a guy there has always been a guy and it's not new anymore but he is new and this feeling is a kinda new I guess.. I don't know what should I think about him. I'm so close to him, I always talk to him and I'm always next to him but it's like buddies. We are buddies in fact or this is what we're supposed to be, but I feel a kinda awkward about this friendship. He's talking to me about the girl he likes and asks my advice and I don't know why but I'm pushing him to be away from that girl and I don't even know the girl but I always try to make him stay away from her and also just like these aren't bad enough, I'm also trying to find excuses to confuse his mind about her!

I don't want to make him miserable or I don't want to ruin his life or I'm not even that kinda bad person ever! But itz just when we are talking about her, I feel like my stomach is knutting.. I've never ever seen her, I don't even know much about her but I feel sort of jealous because of her I guess.. But the main problem is, I don't know why I feel in this way. I can't distinguish my feelings about why I don't want them to date. Do I like him? Or am I jealous just because of we'll not be able to talk everyday or anytime we want? This damn thing is confusing me.. Just like it's not enough I started to have odd dreams about these stuff to and neither I'm asleep nor I'm awake, I'm not comfortable..


And just like I'm so happy about struggling with this shit, I have also one more huge problem about my final exams which really sucks even before they start. I guess I'll blow up soon, it has it's first symptoms already.. I feel dizzy and a kinda nausea is killing me and there is a headache thing and I feel fatigue just like I've been carrying tons of rocks since the dawn. I hope I don't die until seeing a transcript without even one "ff". Yes it would make me pretty happy..


P.S : Why did I write all of these stuff in english? Some of you may wonder or at least the part who is reading or want to read or whatever.. Bcoz I don't want everyone to understand because confessing this damn feeling is already hard enough and I couldn't do it with my real words. And also I guess I'm hopping that if he saw this, because of the language differance, he* wouldn't bother to try to understand what I'm talking about and thatz why he wouldn't ask me a question like "who's that guy". How pathetic! Just like a loser! Damn I'm not like that actually. Damn him! Damn me! Damn that fucking feeling! Pff.. Tamam yeter sanırım bu kadar.